Earthlings measure years by how long it takes this planet to revolve around its sun, but I’ve always had a different relationship with time, and not just because I’m a Martian. (Kidding. Maybe. You know, don’t worry about it.) But even I can’t deny things are moving forward. And with so much going on in my life, this seems as good a time as any to share my family’s latest accomplishments.
(NB: For ease of use, I’ll be using Earth years.)
SpaceX (age 15) Man these companies grow up fast. SpaceX didn’t just successfully launch its 12th resupply missionto the International Space Station this summer, it upped its ambitions with a pretty detailed plan for colonizing Mars. (OK, as long as it comes home for Thanksgiving and Christmas!) The scheme involves an Interplanetary Transport System the company calls the BFR, or Big Fucking Rocket (you wonder where they get their sense of humor!), which it will definitely have built in just five years.
Tesla (age 14) After promising to start deliveries of its affordable Model 3 sedan this summer, my little automaker went all the way to production hell to make it happen. And boy is the car a wonder, with its huge glass roof, innovative touchscreen interface (so long, dashboard), and all the acceleration you know to expect from Tesla. I’m sure the 400,000 people who have pre-ordered one will agree whenever they get theirs! As if that wasn’t enough, my precocious teen showed off an electric semitruck—a bunch of companies have already put their orders in—and a new version of the Roadster, just to give a hardcore smackdown to gasoline cars. And it did it all even with the SEC poking aroundand handling a class action lawsuit accusing it of racist practices! This is the kid who does all the extracurriculars.
OpenAI and Neuralink (ages 2, 1) I’ve always thought we should merge our brains with computers, and I’m so glad two of my youngest are dedicated to making it happen. As if that weren’t enough, OpenAI is using surprisingly svelte sumo wrestlersto make artificial intelligence smarter and nimbler. Maybe it’ll even find the time to help big brother Tesla with that AI chip it’s making for Autopilot.
The Boring Company (age 1) Celebrated its first birthday this month! And based on the tunnels it has been digging under SpaceX’s headquarters in Los Angeles and under Baltimore, I have to wonder if someone cheated on me with the moleman! Now, Boring knows my views on public transit, and has reassured me these tunnels will be for fancy hyperloops and private cars on electric sleds, only. I’m glad to know that when it’s time for the old man to visit his kid underground, I won’t have to worry about serial killers or even other people.
So, my friends and fans, comrades and competitors, investors short and long, my best tidings. May your lives be as rich, electrifying, and ambitious as ours.
This according to the Schuler CEO in a thank you email to it’s employees.
update – better video